Chat Abuse On PokerStars

Due to my interest in poker over the last few years, it was always inevitable that my Dad would develop an interest too.

Recently he made a small deposit on PokerStars but hasn’t been able to get any rhythm and settle in a limit where he can develop his skills and make some money. He understands the basics of the game, but of course, is still a basic amateur.

Over the last few weeks he hasn’t been able to play too much, and I think this was mainly due to time, but also the fact that his relatively small starting bankroll is a little depleted.

I logged on under Duckers51 to see how much he had left, and after seeing a shocking three bucks and change, I decided to try and run it up for him. Since that day I’ve played a few $1.15 Double-or-Nothing sit-n-goes while sometimes short-stacking some $0.01-0.02c NLH to see the account reach a high of nearly triple what I started with.

Now don’t worry, I’m not going to share hand histories from $0.01-0.02c NLH or bad beat stories, but instead share a chat-off I had with a player by the name of kyle939.

Basically it all started after I was dealt and check-raised all-in on a flop, and kyle939 made the call with and made a backdoor flush to force me to rebuy.

 

Duckers51: tell me, what were you thinking when you called with Jack-high?

Duckers51: did you think you were ahead when I check-raised you all in? 

Duckers51: or . . . was it that you’re a complete donkey with a faggot haricut that feels like being a donkey? 

kyle939: you are a dick 

kyle939: i’ve only been playing 1 month 

Duckers51: yeah obviously 

Duckers51: and you’ll be broke in another month 

kyle939: hey duck you are a dick 

Duckers51: i don’t mind that you think that, but you still didnt answer my questions 

kyle939: hey mallard do you know anything 

kyle939: the duckman blows 

Duckers51: i know more than you 

kyle939: why do you suck 

Duckers51: how do I suck? You hit a runner-runner flush like a fish 

kyle939: way to go fuck

 

I then managed to double when my held up against kyle939’s when I moved all-in on a flop.

 

Duckers51: well played fish 

Duckers51: the money you just gave me could have been used to get yourself a haircut 

kyle939: stop crying 

kyle939: maybe in Mexico 

Duckers51: maybe from a hobo that lives on your street 

kyle939: can’t get a haircut in the real world for less than $15 

kyle939: DORK 

Duckers51: how would you know? doesn’t seem like uv ever had one! 

kyle939: ya play i will take your money dick 

Duckers51: well lets play higher stakes 

Duckers51: how much money you got? 

kyle939: I’m up all night duck fuck 

Duckers51: does that random statement have a point? 

kyle939: hey duck in the mouth lets play 

Duckers51: how much money you got on this site? 

Duckers51: I got 4k, so you wanna play $5-10 NLH? 

Duckers51: i’ll start a table, come find me 

kyle939: your cool 

Duckers51: thanks 

Duckers51: so is that a yes 

Duckers51: or are you wussing out? 

kyle939: what did you do blow someone for that 

Duckers51: no . . . only your mum did that so she could send you to school 

kyle939: not stupid pervert 

Duckers51: i made it playing poker you retard 

kyle939: thats cool 

kyle939: loser 

Duckers51: how am i the loser if you won’t even put ur money where your mouth is? 

kyle939: im getting money from you and you arent touching me 

kyle939: PERVERT 

Duckers51: ummm, so you playing me heads up or not? 

Duckers51: simple question 

Duckers51: if not 

Duckers51: i think you can shut the fuck up 

kyle939: im not going anywhere with you 

kyle939: PERVERT 

kyle939: fuckster 

kyle939: actually you suck duck person 

kyle939: coulda been yours duck guy 

kyle939: really duck guy 

kyle939: you blow

 

kyle939 then doubled an opponent up with King-Queen versus King-Jack on a Jack-high board.

 

Duckers51: hahaha . . . ur an ATM kyle! 

kyle939: really duck watch 

kyle939: now i am crying duck fucker 

kyle939: dont duck around 

Duckers51: AAAATTTTTTTMMMMMMMMM 

kyle939: just watch

 

Then this beautiful hand happened. From out of the small blind I opened with over kyle939’s limp. The flop fell and I check-raised kyle939’s bet before checking the on the turn. kyle939 moved all-in, I double-fist-pump-snap called and his was left drawing dead.

 

Duckers51: BOOM mutha fucka! 

kyle939: fuck off duck 

Duckers51: you realise you had a pretty bad hand there kyle 

Duckers51: threes are no good on that board you fish 

kyle939: hey duck fucker blow a fish 

kyle939: you will see i will get that little bit of $ back 

Duckers51: then you can use it to get a haircut 

kyle939: hey duck how do you know I need a hair cut 

kyle939: are you watching me 

Duckers51: yes kyle I am watching you play like a donkey and donate all your money to everyone 

kyle939: lol 

kyle939: and 

Duckers51: and . . .you need a haircut to fix that ugly mug of yours! 

kyle939: i will get it back freak 

Duckers51: im the feak . . .? . . . have you looked int he mirror recently? 

kyle939: lmao 

kyle939: i got lots of time duck fucker 

kyle939: and how do you fuck a duck 

Duckers51: ur the one that keeps saying it, so i think u’d have a better understanding of bestiality 

kyle939: chillout cause i will get your $ 

Duckers51: im going to take the money I won off you and rub it on your moms titties! 

kyle939: no! That is fucking a cow not a bird 

Duckers51: huh 

kyle939: needledick 

kyle939: your gross and someone should report you 

Duckers51: ur the one that keeps saying FUCK every second word 

Duckers51: dont worry 

Duckers51: im going to bid you adieu 

Duckers51: everyone . . . please take kyle the ATM to the cleaners 

Duckers51: and then rub his money on his moms titties later tonight!

 

Now I bet you’re all thinking that you shouldn’t berate players that are playing $0.01-0.02c NLH because they’re obviously still learning, but I just couldn’t help myself.

I obviously was trying to level him with the $4k heads-up match, but it was just so enjoyable pissing him off. Didn’t he realise that if I actually did have $4k in my account, I would probably not be playing the smallest game available?

Well I got a good laugh out of it today, and hopefully you did too.

I just hope that Dad doesn’t mind if his chat gets banned!

 

For additional blogs, interviews, articles and photos from tournaments around the world, head to Tilted Behaviour.