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Due to my interest in poker over the last few years, it was always inevitable that my Dad would develop an interest too.
Recently he made a small deposit on PokerStars but hasn’t been able to get any rhythm and settle in a limit where he can develop his skills and make some money. He understands the basics of the game, but of course, is still a basic amateur.
Over the last few weeks he hasn’t been able to play too much, and I think this was mainly due to time, but also the fact that his relatively small starting bankroll is a little depleted.
I logged on under Duckers51 to see how much he had left, and after seeing a shocking three bucks and change, I decided to try and run it up for him. Since that day I’ve played a few $1.15 Double-or-Nothing sit-n-goes while sometimes short-stacking some $0.01-0.02c NLH to see the account reach a high of nearly triple what I started with.
Now don’t worry, I’m not going to share hand histories from $0.01-0.02c NLH or bad beat stories, but instead share a chat-off I had with a player by the name of kyle939.
Basically it all started after I was dealt 
and check-raised all-in on a 
flop, and kyle939 made the call with 
and made a backdoor flush to force me to rebuy.
Duckers51: tell me, what were you thinking when you called with Jack-high?
Duckers51: did you think you were ahead when I check-raised you all in?
Duckers51: or . . . was it that you’re a complete donkey with a faggot haricut that feels like being a donkey?
kyle939: you are a dick
kyle939: i’ve only been playing 1 month
Duckers51: yeah obviously
Duckers51: and you’ll be broke in another month
kyle939: hey duck you are a dick
Duckers51: i don’t mind that you think that, but you still didnt answer my questions
kyle939: hey mallard do you know anything
kyle939: the duckman blows
Duckers51: i know more than you
kyle939: why do you suck
Duckers51: how do I suck? You hit a runner-runner flush like a fish
kyle939: way to go fuck
I then managed to double when my 
held up against kyle939’s 
when I moved all-in on a 
flop.
Duckers51: well played fish
Duckers51: the money you just gave me could have been used to get yourself a haircut
kyle939: stop crying
kyle939: maybe in Mexico
Duckers51: maybe from a hobo that lives on your street
kyle939: can’t get a haircut in the real world for less than $15
kyle939: DORK
Duckers51: how would you know? doesn’t seem like uv ever had one!
kyle939: ya play i will take your money dick
Duckers51: well lets play higher stakes
Duckers51: how much money you got?
kyle939: I’m up all night duck fuck
Duckers51: does that random statement have a point?
kyle939: hey duck in the mouth lets play
Duckers51: how much money you got on this site?
Duckers51: I got 4k, so you wanna play $5-10 NLH?
Duckers51: i’ll start a table, come find me
kyle939: your cool
Duckers51: thanks
Duckers51: so is that a yes
Duckers51: or are you wussing out?
kyle939: what did you do blow someone for that
Duckers51: no . . . only your mum did that so she could send you to school
kyle939: not stupid pervert
Duckers51: i made it playing poker you retard
kyle939: thats cool
kyle939: loser
Duckers51: how am i the loser if you won’t even put ur money where your mouth is?
kyle939: im getting money from you and you arent touching me
kyle939: PERVERT
Duckers51: ummm, so you playing me heads up or not?
Duckers51: simple question
Duckers51: if not
Duckers51: i think you can shut the fuck up
kyle939: im not going anywhere with you
kyle939: PERVERT
kyle939: fuckster
kyle939: actually you suck duck person
kyle939: coulda been yours duck guy
kyle939: really duck guy
kyle939: you blow
kyle939 then doubled an opponent up with King-Queen versus King-Jack on a Jack-high board.
Duckers51: hahaha . . . ur an ATM kyle!
kyle939: really duck watch
kyle939: now i am crying duck fucker
kyle939: dont duck around
Duckers51: AAAATTTTTTTMMMMMMMMM
kyle939: just watch
Then this beautiful hand happened. From out of the small blind I opened with over kyle939’s limp. The flop fell 
and I check-raised kyle939’s bet before checking the on the turn. kyle939 moved all-in, I double-fist-pump-snap called and his 
was left drawing dead.
Duckers51: BOOM mutha fucka!
kyle939: fuck off duck
Duckers51: you realise you had a pretty bad hand there kyle
Duckers51: threes are no good on that board you fish
kyle939: hey duck fucker blow a fish
kyle939: you will see i will get that little bit of $ back
Duckers51: then you can use it to get a haircut
kyle939: hey duck how do you know I need a hair cut
kyle939: are you watching me
Duckers51: yes kyle I am watching you play like a donkey and donate all your money to everyone
kyle939: lol
kyle939: and
Duckers51: and . . .you need a haircut to fix that ugly mug of yours!
kyle939: i will get it back freak
Duckers51: im the feak . . .? . . . have you looked int he mirror recently?
kyle939: lmao
kyle939: i got lots of time duck fucker
kyle939: and how do you fuck a duck
Duckers51: ur the one that keeps saying it, so i think u’d have a better understanding of bestiality
kyle939: chillout cause i will get your $
Duckers51: im going to take the money I won off you and rub it on your moms titties!
kyle939: no! That is fucking a cow not a bird
Duckers51: huh
kyle939: needledick
kyle939: your gross and someone should report you
Duckers51: ur the one that keeps saying FUCK every second word
Duckers51: dont worry
Duckers51: im going to bid you adieu
Duckers51: everyone . . . please take kyle the ATM to the cleaners
Duckers51: and then rub his money on his moms titties later tonight!
Now I bet you’re all thinking that you shouldn’t berate players that are playing $0.01-0.02c NLH because they’re obviously still learning, but I just couldn’t help myself.
I obviously was trying to level him with the $4k heads-up match, but it was just so enjoyable pissing him off. Didn’t he realise that if I actually did have $4k in my account, I would probably not be playing the smallest game available?
Well I got a good laugh out of it today, and hopefully you did too.
I just hope that Dad doesn’t mind if his chat gets banned!
For additional blogs, interviews, articles and photos from tournaments around the world, head to Tilted Behaviour.
But how did you know he needed a haircut? lol
Shouldnt tap the tank tho
QUEEN-BEE and Mr_Woody,
I completely understand that if you are playing at those levels then there are going to be mainly new players.
But if you read the actual blog you will see that I was trying to amuse myself - and although it shouldn't have been at the expense of the others - it was all a bit of fun.
Sorry you both feel that way, especially you Mr_Woody who has never contributed to this site apart from the hate you have put towards me.
Duck. No offence, but I'd take this down.
It doesn't present you in a good light, and admitting multiaccounting in a public place is not a good idea.
I'm shocked you would even blog this. EVERYONE has the choice to play whatever hand they choose. Whether you like it or not. That is Poker. Sure we get angry BUT look what happens when you handle it the way you did.
I guess playing that level you have to expect that sort of play. Deal with it and move on like a man.
I have enjoyed many of your blogs. But this one No. I'm still trying to find a positive in it somewhere. I guess you trying to originally help your dad is the positive here. I congratulate you on that at least.
I would also like to add this is the sort of thing that spoils it for the rest in the game. OMG then you go in for the heads up challenge. Who are you trying to prove yourself to? THEM or YOURSELF? No wonder many players DON'T return.
I am looking forward to your next blog and hope its more positive than this one Duck. Luv Ya , but gee
BEE
Wow, what a class act you are Ducky. If you are playing at those levels then you are going to be playing against new players who may not know what they are doing. Let alone the fact that you are admitting to multi-accounting.
I would like to know what you were trying to prove and to whom, when you post such abusive behaviour to other players?