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Euro Rounders
EuroRoundersMichel (voiceover): "If you can't find the boorishAmerican hold'em player at the table within half anhour, you are the boorish American hold'em player."-----TITLE/CREDITS. This entire movie is in black andwhite, with subtitles.-----Michel (voiceover): "This game is really scummy, andwell above what I can afford to play. My entirebankroll is riding on this one session going well.This is Teddy CIA's place, where they only play PotLimit Omaha, the most sophisticated game in Europe."- Michel knocks on the window -Teddy CIA: "You want poker, or whore?"Michel: "Poker. Give me three stacks of high, elitistsociety."-----Michel: "I raise."Teddy CIA: "It's a position raise. I call."- The flop comes 5-7-A, with two diamonds -Michel: "I bet the pot."Teddy CIA: "I raise the pot."Michel: "I reraise the pot."Teddy CIA: "I reraise the pot."Michel: "Pot."Teddy CIA: "Pot."Michel: "Pot."Teddy CIA: "Pot."Michel: "Pot."Teddy CIA: "Pot."Michel (voiceover): "I sit back and think. I havethree aces - the best possible hand. I want him tothink I'm debating a call, but really I'm justthinking about Monte Carlo, and whatever the[censored] is in Monte Carlo."Michel: *shrugs* "Okay, well, I re-pot it, I'm all in,because I don't think you have a pair." *winks at thecamera*Teddy CIA: "Who are you winking at? It doesn't matter,I call."Michel (voiceover): "I know before he even says it."Teddy CIA: "I have 8-6-4-3 with two diamonds, for awrap straight draw and a flush draw, which is afavorite over your top set."- Turn is a King. River is a 2 which gives Teddy CIAan ace-to-five straight for the win. -- Michel sits there, shell-shocked. -Joey Croissant: "Come on, I'll get you a whore."-----Michel (voiceover): "Well, that sucked. Since then,I've sworn off of poker and made my living as aroadside prostitute for boorish American tourists.Hopefully, I can pay my way through law school thatway. I can always find games, though. I could turnthis truck onto the road and be at the Taj in 19 and ahalf hours."-----Michel (voiceover): "I'm here to pick my friend Wormup from prison."- Worm walks out of prison -Michel: "Worm! It's wonderful to see you!"- They kiss each other passionately on the mouth -Michel: "How was prison?"Worm: "I was brutally sodomized on a regular basis."-----Michel: "Look...Croissant, I never told you this, butabout a year ago, I was playing poker at the Casinodes Atlantes, and Marcel Luske walks in. He sits downat the 50/100 pot limit game. And, I mean, the wholeplace stops, right? Just watching this guy play. Aftera while there isn't a retarded European gambling gamegoing, because everybody's just, you know, watchingthis guy."- Joey Croissant nods -Michel: "So you know what I did? I sat down."Joey Croissant: "No way, you need at least 300,000euros to sit down at a game like that. Such badfinancial management is typical of a boorishAmerican!"- Joey Croissant and Michel laugh for twenty-sixminutes -Michel: "Right, okay, but seriously, I played for anhour, doing nothing but folding. Then I won a hugepot."Joey Croissant: "Aces? Kings? Ace-King doublesuited?Suited aces? High connectors? Middle doublesuitedconnectors? Two big pair?"Michel: "Rags."Joey Croissant: "That's probably fine too, you're onlylike a 48/52 dog."Michel: "I raised. And he came over the top of me,like I was a boorish American. I re-popped it. Hepotted it again. I think for like two seconds and thenI re-pot it."Joey Croissant: "Jesus [censored] Christ, how muchmoney did you have?"Michel: "After I bet I would quietly slide my chipsback toward my stack, nobody noticed. Anyway, hethinks for a while, looks at me, checks his cardsagain, and he mucks. I take it down. And then he looksat me and says, 'I have to know. Did you have it?' AndI said, 'I'm sorry Marcel, I can't remember.'"Joey Croissant: "Face!"Michel: "I know, totally. Anyway, based on that onehand, I felt confident gambling for all the money Ihad, at one time."-----Law Professor: "I am a Jew."Michel: "I hate you."-----Teddy CIA: "We play, heads up, Pot Limit Omaha, 25 and50 blinds, until one of us has it all?"Michel: "Out of sheer curiosity, you realize you'regiving up like boat loads of equity by agreeing togamble for money that's effectively yours anyway,right? That you could just not let me play, and thenkill me and take what I have?"Teddy CIA: "I know, but I am a boorish American!"- Michel and Teddy CIA laugh for seventy-two minutes ------Michel (voiceover): "I pick up Ace-Ace-Jack-Tendoublesuited."Michel: "I raise the pot."Teddy CIA: "Very aggressive. But, I reraise the pot."Michael (voiceover): "He's representingAce-Ace-King-King doublesuited, the only hand betterthan mine. I can't call, and give him a chance tocatch. I can only fold...if I believe him."Michel: "I reraise, I'm all in."Teddy CIA: "Take it down."------ The flop reads 10-9-5, with two spades -Michel: "Pot."Teddy CIA: "Pot."Michel: "Pot."Teddy CIA: "Pot."Michel: "Pot."Teddy CIA: "Pot."Michel: "Pot. I'm all in."Teddy CIA: "Alright, I call. What do you have?"Michel: "Jack high flush draw and middle set."Teddy CIA: "Wrap, with a king high flush draw."Michel: "Boy, I sure hope my 5:4 edge holds up,otherwise I am going to die."- Turn is an off-suit 5, giving Michel an unbeatablehand. But the river is the ace of spades anyway,because it's always the [censored] ace of spades. -Teddy CIA: "He beat me. Pay that man his money. Hissilly, silly-looking European money."-----Cab Driver: "Where are you off to?"Michel: "Monte Carlo."Cab Driver: "Good luck."Michel: "Shut the [censored] up."
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