LOL Thread

[Tony]

[Tony]

[Tony]

[Tony]

[Tony]

[thret]

Also try "why won't" and "why is" in google, see what it brings up...

[Tony]

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says 'Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ...'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. 'You start
tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. 'How
many customers bought something from you today?'



The kid says, 'One.'


The boss says, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30
customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says, '$101,237.65.'

The boss says, '$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold
him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold
him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he
said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we
went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.'

The boss said 'A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold
him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The kid said 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his
wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing'

[TeeOhDoubleDee]

An oldies but a goodie:






A man applied to join the Victorian Police force.

The Sergeant doing the interview said: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."

Then, sliding a pistol across the desk, he said: "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six drug dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?"

"Great attitude," said the Sergeant, "when can you start?"

[USUALSUSPECT]

fucking funny...... ^^ Nick...
genuine gold!

[Tony]

TIMES... THEY ARE A CHANGING...

SCENARIO: Jack starts a fight with John at school.

THEN: A large group of boys form around the two, they beat the shit out of each other, they shake hands and the next day they are best mates.
NOW: The police are called. They arrest John and Jack. All cellular phones with videos of the fight are confiscated as evidence. Both are charged with assault. Both are suspended, even though Jack started the fight. The parents are summoned for consultation and the other children who saw the fight get trauma counselling. The video of the fight is available on YouTube.

SCENARIO: Jack disrupts the class because he cannot sit down and shut up.

THEN: Jack gets a hiding. He can still not sit down because his arse got a spanking, but he shuts up, finishes school and becomes a successful businessman.
NOW: Jack is is tested for ADD then put on Ritalin because he is hyperactive. He becomes a zombie. Jack cannot cope and leaves school in the 8th grade.

SCENARIO: Jack throws a stone and breaks a neighbour's window.

THEN: Jack gets a spanking. He has to work in the neighbour's garden for a week and get a job to pay for the window.
NOW: Jack gets a spanking. His father is arrested for child abuse. Jack is placed in foster-care. The psychiatrist convinces Jack's sister that her father sexually abused her and their father goes to jail. Jack's parents get divorced because the psychiatrist fucks Jack's mother.

SCENARIO: Jack fails English at school.

THEN: He attends extra English classes, passes school and graduates from university.
NOW: The teacher is blamed for the failure. A local human right's group takes up his case. They determine that compulsory English at school is blatant racism. It becomes a major political issue. A case is made against the school and the Department of Education. English is removed from the curriculum. Jack's passes school very well, but mows lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

SCENARIO: Jack takes firecrackers, makes a bomb and blows up an anthill.

THEN: The ant hill is fucked. Thousands of ants are killed.
NOW: The animal protection groups are called in. Jack is arrested and charged with urban terrorism and cruelty to animals. His parents are placed under surveillance. Jack's younger brothers and sisters are taken away from home. Their computers are confiscated. Jack's father is placed on a list of terrorists. He is fired and cannot get another job. The family starves.

SCENARIO: Jack falls and scuffs his knee during break. His teacher dries his tears, cleans the knee and gives him a hug.

THEN: Jack soon feels better and by second break he is running around again.
NOW: Jack's teacher is accused of being a paedophile. She loses her job. She receives a suspended sentence. Jack receives therapy for five years and becomes a faggot.

Gold!