HomeNews

How to be the Perfect Poker Playa in 2010 - Part 2

Posted at 12:54 2010-02-06

PokerNetwork regular Vincent "Wonky" Wan is back with another tongue-in-cheek look at improving your poker game on and off the felt so you can walk into Crown Casino like you own it...!

Listen up peeps...

It looks like I'm using the www.internet.com to get the message through, but surely any up-to-date player has read my first article and obv now you at least look like you can play poker. Ok, so onto the real poker playing strategy guide when you finally get to the tables.

1. Looking really really scary...

Ok, firstly this is for all you newbs...you need to play and look scary.  The first way to look scary is by stacking your chips as high as possible. Twenty one hundred dollar chips is not that intimidating but five racks of five dollar chips is scary shit especially in the 5/10 Limit games. Don't be afraid to have you whole roll on the table at once just for the fear factor.

2. Strategical planning...

Position Position Position...In poker, position is everything...get in early when the table opens and make sure you sit in front of the TVs they have at Crown. Often you can watch the Harness Racing and Golf. Get ready for the long haul by getting a cushion, because if your money lasts more than an hour your ass and back sometimes get sore.

3. Play more win more...

All of you guys know that a 50vpip/2pfr preflop strategy is the nuts online, so you see maximum flops for cheap.  Of course you make all your money on the river anyways.  But live poker is loose so you need to play a few more hands.  Limping is the best way, but to ensure you don't give too much information away, limp with all of your hands.  Post-flop strategies are bit more complex.  Like so complex that there is at least a couple books entirely written about it.  Don't let reading scare you though, as most poker players should and can read.

4. Don't make a habit of it but sometimes folding is ok...

Next how to fold properly....if you find yourself in an unlikely position where you have to fold, do it correctly.  A natural flick of the wrist looks cool...cards thrown high in the air but not so high that the stupid moron dealer gets upset and deals you out for three god damned hands (sorry, that's another story). Anyways, the Sydney guys somehow have the best wrist actions, and often they can do it with both hands.  A new flick motion they have introduced in Sydney, I think they call it skiing, where they flick one card with each hand in a backward forward motion.  Oh the mocktails are good at StarCity too.

5. I can read you like a Womens Weekly...

Bullshit, Ange would never leave Brad...Oh, in the online 20NL games when someone tanks and then bets $2 on the river, after checking every street he is obv bluffing so you call, but in live poker it is much different.  The complexities of calling a river shove for $24 when the pot is $90 in a big game like 200NL can be quite daunting. I guess it's not really about if you have aces in the hole, but is the guy looking left or right?  Up or Down?  Is he biting his lip, biting fingernails, sweating profusely, covering his mouth, is he squinting?  If he is doing all of these things then there's a very good chance he might have a bit of a smack problem.

Moving on, I think Mike Caro wrote a book probably in the old days like in Movember 1975, roughly 'round 'bout when poker was invented, on the science of tells. According to the pictures, if the guy has a dodgy moustache, has a big collar and wears flares then for sure he is bluffing - as how can you get through life looking like that?

6. Pick an idol and be like him...

Jesus (duh, God's illegitimate kid...Chris Ferguson) first came to mind, but I can't make it to Church.  The Sunday Million at Pokerstars is on and please, the Bible is almost as outdated as Super System.  Ok, each to their own, but I picked a him that is a her, Annette Orbasomething...she's awesome because not only can she bowl, she can play poker better than some men and she no longer works as a windmill maker or whatever they do in that hot chick country of Sweden.  She also won tons of money before she was 18 which is wicked because, umm you can't do that when you're meant to be 18. No, really, it's like a rule.  Also apparently she won the World Series of Europe with a sticky note over her computer.  Try reading your emails with that on it would be hard. Obv brag, but we had lunch in the food court together the other day, dunno why she didn't recognise me.  Later on we went down to the poker room and security asked her for ID but not me...hahahaha Annette notch one up for Wonky! But anyways, not only did I give her some tips, but she won the PLO tourney at Crown after and is final tabling the AM Main event as I write.  You owe me Annette big time!

Peace out in Twenty Ten....

- Wonky

Comments (0)

No comments yet. Be the first to post one!

Register to leave a comment

Poker tips from the PokerNetwork pros... Poker tips from the PokerNetwork pros...

More recent articles