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The Joey Del Experience: A Sucker For Punishment!

Posted at 18:09 2009-09-26
Ahoy there!
Well another week has come and gone. It has been an interesting week to say the least. For those of you in Sydney, you would know all about the events of Wednesday. Sydney has always been the trend-setting capital of Australia. We are always trying something new. We took this to a new extreme on Wednesday. Sick of the sky always being a vibrant blue or a dull grey, we decided to see what it would be like to cover everything in a nice earthy red. We kept it like that for the day and decided it was not for us, so now we are back to a beautiful summery blue.
Apart from this fact, I have noticed an interesting point about myself this week that I previously had not yet realised... I am an absolute sucker for punishment. I have looked at all the things I am doing at the moment and I don’t think I could have chosen a more painful existence. Let’s look at the three things I have decided to fill my day with.
Firstly, the gym - this is idiotic. I don’t know who ever thought this was a good idea or who these sick people are that find this fun, but I will tell you one thing, they are not fat and unfit! I don’t think I have disliked something more in my life. I am honestly at a point where if somebody offered me a gym pass or a sentence in a concentration camp I would really have to stop and think about it before making a decision. I am sure concentration camps are horrible but the gym can’t be that far behind. They try to trick you by putting on televisions playing sport and music so that you think you will not notice the pain that you are suffering but it is not true, you notice. I start sweating on the walk up the stairs to the gym so you can imagine the state I am in by the time I actually start working out...it is horrible. Also as I mentioned last week, I have started to do pilates as part of my gym routine thinking that it is for women and gay people so how hard can it be? Well it is damn hard. My whole body aches for two days afterwards. I hurt so much that I don’t even notice any of the hot girls that I originally joined the class to perve on. Male readers beware...pilates and yoga are not as girly as you may think!
After I get home from the gym I sit my wounded rear end on the couch and start loading up some poker tables. Another genius move - what better way to relax after putting your war-torn body through hell than playing poker? I mean why do they always have to have aces? I am pretty sure that I will lose my hair playing poker quicker than I will lose any weight from the gym! I have a sequence that I seem to follow verbatim every day when I play poker, does anybody else do this? I start playing poker and when I get my first bad beat I say to myself “That is fine, it happens” then about five minutes later I will get another bad beat and I will say to myself “I am not going to tilt, this is just the way poker is” and then another five minutes later I will get another bad beat, one sicker and more bizarre than anything I have seen before and I will say, not to myself but out loud to whoever wants to listen “YOU STUPID PIECE OF ****!!! EVERY ***ING TIME I ***ING GET IT ALL IN AGAINST THIS ****ING WORTHLESS PIECE OF **** HE GETS THERE ON THE ****ING RIVER...***YOU!!!” Is that just me? I always start out with the best intentions but I find it very hard to hold them some days.
So then after I have gone to the gym and sweated out more liquid than is needed to fill Warragamba Dam and I have lost 300% of my net worth on the poker tables, smashed my head up against the wall repeatedly and torn all of my hair out, you would think that I would go and do something relaxing wouldn’t you? I don’t know, like a nice bath or some kind of luscious cheap and nasty Oriental massage. But no, I don’t go and do any of those logical things that a sensible human being would do. I go and do some stand-up comedy. Now you may be thinking, well that doesn’t sound so bad...well yeah when you watch Chris Rock or Jerry Seinfeld on television and they are superstars capable of making everybody laugh whenever they see fit, it probably seems a lovely way to spend an evening. But when you start out, the pieces of the puzzle don’t exactly fit into place that easily. When you start out, you are not real good, you write a few things that you think are ok but you are not sure. Next thing you know, you are on stage with 50 sets of eyes staring at you with a look that says “Well my day has been pretty average so far...make me laugh NOW”.  Sometime you make them laugh and all is well but then other times you don’t make them laugh and that is pretty much about as awkward as life can get. It is amazing how nerve wrecking this is. I have done it about seven times in total now, but I am still more or less petrified before I get on stage. There is nothing quite like being scared beyond belief to wind down after a stressful day.
So as you can see my day is a strange one, gym, poker, comedy. For someone who is really just a glorified unemployed person I really don’t get a lot of down time. I think it is fair to say that I am a sucker for punishment. But to be honest with you, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Have a great week and good luck in whatever it is you do.
- Joey Del

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If you can't spot the sucker at the table then you know what that means? If you can't spot the sucker at the table then you know what that means?

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