"The Joey Del Experience: Living In A Brothel"
May 22, 2009
Some of you reading this will recall that I recently moved into my studio apartment in Ashfield. I have now been here for just over a month which has given me some time to get to know some of the locals in the building and learn some interesting things.
It all started with Trev, my next-door neighbour. He is a New Zealand Maori guy and like most Maori men that you meet whilst living in Australia, he is probably about as chilled out a guy as you can find. He is in his mid-thirties and works full time as a carpenter. From what I can tell his day consists solely of getting up, going to work, coming home, sitting on the balcony and drinking and smoking until it is time to go to bed. As I am sure you can appreciate, Trev is my kind of guy!
Considering that we have such similar hobbies, it is not unusual for me and Trev to lean over our respective balconies and have a chat about things. Our conversations vary from his time playing rugby over in New Zealand to good food areas around Ashfield to drinking to girls and back to football...you know standard guy talk.
However a couple of days ago Trev asked me a question that I found quite interesting.
Just in case you don’t recall from previous writings let me refresh you on the circumstances surrounding my move into the apartment. My previous tenant was a Chinese lady in her late-thirties called Qin Qin (pronounced Chin-Chin to all of you English speakers out there). Life with Qin Qin as a tenant was pretty sweet. I would rock up once a month, she would hand me a pile of cash, the place was always neat, she never complained, it was beautiful. Even though I was renting the apartment to her privately we often used a 3rd party real estate agent to discuss things because Qin Qin’s English was about as good as my Chinese. One day the real estate agent called me and told me that Qin Qin was moving out, long story short the real estate agent had lied to her, told her that I was kicking her out and then rented her another apartment which I have since found out is also in this same building!
So now that everyone is up to speed let’s get back to the story.
Two nights ago Trev and I are leaning over our balconies and having a chat when he asks me “Hey Bro... Do you ever get any knocks on the door?” An unusual question because firstly we live in a security building so there is an intercom down stairs for people to call up and secondly I had been getting some knocks on the door. Well at least I thought I had, there has been a few times where I had woken up in the middle of the night to hear what I thought could be a knock at the door but decided to ignore it because, a) it is an apartment block so it could be one of the neighbours, b) very good chance that someone knocking on the door at 2am is either a serial killer or a robber and I am not really interested in letting either of them into my house, c) the only other possible reason that someone would knock on the door is for a late night booty call and I am just not good enough in bed to suggest that women would be throwing themselves at me in the middle of the night, and d) my bed is warm, I don’t care if there is a 1% chance that Jessica Alba is waiting at the door in a dressing gown waiting to come in and do glorious things to me, if I walk
all the way over to the door and it is a false alarm I would be cold and on tilt.
So here I am perplexed at Trev’s question so I reply “Why do you ask mate?” Trev then informs me “Well bro, you know the chick who lived here before you? I am pretty sure she was a hooker aye bro”.
Hmm, a very interesting comment for someone to make about my nice, sweet, clean former tenant. “You sure Trev?” I asked. “Well bro, if she wasn’t a hooker, she was the biggest slut going around then aye... I would see like up to five different guys smoking on her balcony at different times over the night. And the stuff that she wore bro, it was pretty kinky aye!”
So there we have it apparently my tenant, my first foray into the property management game ended up being a whore! A memorable start to say the least, I thought that this was about as much information as I could handle for one night, but Trev wasn’t done there.
“Bro I am pretty sure she was into like domination and sadism and stuff like that aye. Some of the screams I heard coming out of that place I couldn’t be sure if she was pleasuring them or strangling them! It was pretty intense, I had to turn my stereo up full ball to drown the noise out and even then I could still hear her, she could scream bro!” I leant over the balcony to look into Trev’s apartment and noticed his sound system with speakers so big that they touched the ceiling and realised that my tenant must have been one freaky chick.
So fast forward to the next day I am sitting on the couch very skilfully bubbling multiple 90 man sit ‘n go’s on Full Tilt Poker when at about two in the afternoon I hear a knock at the door. This time my curiosity does get the better of me. I walked over to the door and look through the peep hole. There is some middle aged Arab guy standing there. He is standing there trying to act all cool when I can tell from his face that he is a little nervous (the classic “I am about to pay a woman for sex, God I hope nobody I know comes by and sees me standing here” face). “Hello” I call out. The guy jumps a good foot in the air and turns pale white “Oh... Ah...Um...Sorry...Excuse me... I think I have the wrong house” he stutters as he turns and bolts towards the nearest exit!
So there we go I think I live in a brothel. I don’t know how I feel about that. At least it was an illegal brothel so it does add that extra element of “gangsterness” to my life. It is quite sad though to think that that non English speaking tramp of a woman got more action in 4 months in my apartment than I will in my entire life... Oh well.
In other news the newest edition of PokerNetwork Radio
is available now. In it I have a chat to Dean “dihnjo” Nyberg. Dean is ranked in the top ten of tournament players in Australia online and is also a regular on the $5/$10 NLHE circuit. We chat about some poker strategies as well as having an in depth look at one hand that he played. If you haven’t listened yet go and check
it out, it is good fun.
I am off to Melbourne tomorrow for the ANZPT. Hopefully I will have some weird and wacky tales to share with you on my return.
Speak soon, have fun.