The Joey Del Experience: Poker Majors, Chinese Idol And Domestic Violence

Posted at 15:47 2009-10-03
It seemed like any normal Sunday.
I had the plan all mapped out perfectly. I was going to get a good night's sleep and get up early on Monday morning for my assault on the Sunday Majors. The PokerStars Sunday Million, the Full Tilt 750k guarantee and any other majors I could click on in time. I was going to play them all. Maybe this would be my day. Maybe I would break through and be the one that everyone sweated on the forums.
I went to bed early trying to get the rest required for a 15-hour poker session and then it started. The girl next door started singing. Now we have spoken in the past in these articles about the neighbours on one side of me. Trev, the champion kiwi guy who alerted me to the fact that my first ever tenant in my housing career had turned my apartment into a brothel. But we have never had the opportunity to discuss the people on the other side.
They seem normal enough, a young Asian couple who pretty much keep to themselves. I very rarely see them as they don’t seem to use their balcony at all and it is not like I leave my apartment often enough to see anyone out the front. One thing I will say, is that the girl is an absolute freak of nature. I thought that I kept long hours but it doesn’t matter what time, day or night, I go out onto my balcony she is sitting there inside on the computer (yes ok I am a peeping tom, sue me, but it isn’t my fault, she is kinda cute). Her other love of life apart from being on the computer is singing. It is not unusual for her at any hour of the day to start singing some Chinese song at the top of her lungs along to some loud thumping music. This is exactly what she decided to start doing as I was going to sleep which was a little bit tilting, but she does have a nice voice so it wasn’t the end of the world. I just treated it as if I was going to sleep with the radio on for some background music and I left it at that. I mean it is a little annoying but what can you do?
Well, apparently I wasn’t the only person who thought it was annoying. At that moment her partner must have just gotten home and apparently he thinks the late night singing training is about as enjoyable as sitting on a spiky grenade because he then started screaming louder than anyone I have ever heard in my life in Chinese. Now my knowledge of the Chinese language is minimal at best but I can only assume that what he said translated to, “Why are you always doing this, you didn’t make Chinese Idol, you tried and you failed, you just don’t have what it takes, you are useless, you are nothing, you are less than nothing, in fact, you are less than the crap that nothing scrapes off its shoe!” She then replied with an equally aggressive response which again I am only guessing but would have been something like, “What do you know? I have what it takes, I have a beautiful voice, I am going to be a star! You just wait and see! I know you are only jealous of me because you never made it to the Chinese ping pong team. You are the loser in this relationship, I don’t know why I am even talking to you, I should be off getting all cosy with that chubby white guy from next door who always peers through the window”.
Now this went on and on for a while and the whole situation was too loud as well as too exciting for me to get to sleep. I remained lying in my bed, half trying to sleep and half trying to follow the conversation (which was obviously impossible). They kept yelling at each other for what must have been a good hour. There were tears and it was fantastic! Then things started to escalate a little.
I wasn’t 100% sure when I heard the first one, but the next six or seven confirmed for me that there were glasses and plates being smashed. Now I am pretty sure the Greeks are the only people bizarre enough to celebrate a marriage by smashing fine China so I could only assume that these breakages next door were not happening out of love. It got pretty intense with breakage after breakage getting louder and louder. Keep in mind these people never leave their house and I have never seen them have any guests over, so it got to the point when the shock and awe left my system and I became amazed at how many different things they had to break. I looked in my cupboard the next day and I noticed I have two plates, two bowls, two glasses and two mugs. If my girlfriend and I were to have the same kind of fight it would last all of about three minutes and then we would have run out of stuff to break. I must admit that I was impressed by their collection.
This kept going, the screaming continued and the fighting got worse. I could hear frantic footsteps running around the apartment - another amazing point. Our apartments are identical (I am a peeping tom remember) and I just measured whilst writing this and I can get about five steps in either direction before I hit a wall. The agility that they showed to be able to scream, break plates, dodge incoming plates and run around the room without being hit I think was truly remarkable.
Anyway this died down at around 4am. Just a couple of hours before I was set to get up for my assault on the Sunday Majors. I sighed, turned off my alarm and finally went to sleep. My shot at the big time would have to wait until next week.
Have a great week and good luck in whatever it is you do.
- Joey Del
*No Asian neighbours were harmed in the making of this article

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Joey Del has a unique preparation for the Sunday poker majors... Joey Del has a unique preparation for the Sunday poker majors...

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